After Birthday reflection....

It's late night Labor day and the weekend after my birthday. I turned 27. Wow!
A lot has happened within the past year. Heck, a lot has happened within the past 2 months and this past weekend.

I recently moved back to Guam, the land of my birth, for the next 6 to 12 months. After a month here, it just hit me. I'm still getting used to my surroundings again. It's been about 6 1/2 years since I was last here.

My birthday weekend started out pretty good. I hung out with my friend Robert and his friends at a local bar. We sang karaoke all night. I haven't sang karaoke since my friend, Viny's birthday party in Seattle. It was an interesting night. I crashed at my friend Robert's house and...well, I'm not getting into that at the moment. Too much complications in that situation.

My bestfriend AmySue, god-sister Paula, and my friends Stella and Maia took me out to dinner and got me wasted on one birthday shot on my birthday. It was quite an interesting night. I had a blast. I had a tiny hangover the next day.

This morning I woke up at 4am and went fishing with my friend Stella and her family. It was a blast. I caught about 5 fish and went snorkeling around the coral reef. I'd say it was about 40 feet of water. I couldn't dive all the way to the bottom. We also got to see a school of dolphins and I got to see a baby one too.

Everything was going great until this evening. I got a weird email and one of my friends said he needed time away from me. I also started to get depressed and had to cancel dinner with a great guy. I feel so bad, but I really didn't want to hang out with just anyone. My cousin Claire came over and I just had to express how I felt about everything.

We talked about moving back to Guam, intimate relationships, and other bothersome troubles we both had. Just talking to her helped a lot. I finally started to feel better. That and I started to pig out on food as usual. I'm still kind of craving some ice cream but that will pass. I think I just need to be sedated for a while.

I hate how people say that I seem like a stable kind of guy and I know how I feel, but the truth is that I'm just as complicated as everyone else. Sorry, it's just something a friend told me today since he's not in the same place as I am in life. It took a lot of work to get to where I am emotionally and mentally today. I've been through so much already.

Before I even turned 27, I have experienced so much and had to grow up sooner than I wanted. I started to help raise children at the age of 15, left home and joined the Navy at 17, was in charge of a ward at the age of 19 with 20 people under me, went to war at 23, had my life turned inside out at 24, and I had to re-start my life at 25 after getting out of the Navy.

Between all of that, I ended the best intimate relationship that I ever had. Up to this day, I still wonder if I made the wrong decision or not. I just couldn't put him through all the trials and re-shaping of my life. It was until I turned 26 that I finally started to get my life together again. The only way I can describe it is it was almost like being a cancer patient who thinks that his life changed totally because of his illness and there was a great loss. That's how I felt, but it was the death of my old life. Starting over is mentally and emotionally tough. I had to learn from my experiences, both the good and bad, and find a way to better myself and grow.

I went through the rough times and self destruction. It maybe different from everyone else's but to me it was still pretty tough.

I'm going to end this here, because if I don't I'll be typing out a book.

Later.

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