Where's my "Dear Abby"? Where's my angel?

I really hate when I feel depressed. I always question everything in my life. I think too much and it really bugs me. I titled this entry "Where's my 'Dear Abby'? Where's my angel?" because many times I seem to be able to listen and help people with their problems, but I can never help myself. Everyone needs someone and I just can't seem to find that someone for me. I'm never comfortable telling people how I feel or what's bothering me. I just tell them bits and pieces, but never really tell them the whole story. I guess I'm just too embarrassed about showing my true emotions. Someone I met before told me that I'm very good at reading everyone's emotions, but I have a hard time dealing with my emotions. She really read me like a book. It's hard for me to understand how I'm feeling. My emotions are always so mixed up or incomprehensible.

A friend just recently told me that fate brought us back together and sent me to be her angel. That made me feel really special, but I can't help but wonder who will be my angel. For some reason, I'm feeling very emotional tonight. It's so bad that I can't sleep. I start thinking about where I am in life and if I'm headed in the right direction. I feel so lost.

I could go on and talk about all my failed relationships and state that I will never find Mr. Right, but that will just depress me even more. I could go on to say that I met someone here in Guam and that he's the type of guy I've always wanted to be with, but the story is going to end sadly. Or it could be one of the many flings I tend to get into before I leave every place I've been too. I'm enjoying every moment I spend with him, but it keeps reminding me that we can never go further than what it is right now....a fling. I'm leaving and he's staying. It seems like the fates or the higher power or whatever you want to call it, love to make me miserable and give me just a little taste of something I deeply crave for. I guess some things never change for me. I have to make the best of what comes my way. It's quite sad. I thought I had made up for my past mistakes already, but I guess karma isn't done with me yet.

I feel like I just want to be held by someone and just cry. The person doesn't even have to say anything, but hold me as I cry my eyes out. I seriously need to be heavily medicated right now or something. *laughs*

I'm probably just feeling this way because I'm leaving another place that I love and I was just getting used to being here. I'm always leaving or moving at the wrong time. For once I just want to feel like I have some control in my life. I thought blogging this would help me feel better but it doesn't. I better just try and get some sleep. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

So where's my F*CKEN Dear Abby and my guiding angel? HELP ME!!!

*FYI: I may be depressed, but I'm not going to do anything stupid so friends please don't be worried. This will past and I will be back to my jolly 'ole happy self or at least be a good actor and fake it. :-)