First night with my dad in the hospital.

After spending the night at the hospital with my father, I realized why I needed to in Guam for a while. At 2am this morning, awoke to my father talking to me. At first, I thought he was talking in his sleep again, but I realized he was really talking to me. He was asking for a basin, because he needed to vomit. I jumped out of my chair and raced to the bathroom where the basin was kept. I handed it to my father and he throw up brown liquid and it smelled pretty awful. It was the same thing that was coming out of his NG tube which was removed yesterday morning in hopes that his intestines would start working properly again. The only way to describe what it looked like is to say it looked like diarrhea. After vomiting almost a basin full, he did it again about an hour later. His nurse and I ended up changing his linen and clothing about 3am.
When I finally relaxed enough to fall asleep again, I started to dream. I dreamt that I was in my father’s hospital room, but it was a little different. Everything looked the same, but it felt different. I looked around and saw about 5 different people in here that I did not recognize. As I looked at them, their faces started to change and I jumped out of my chair. I finally realized that these people were all dead. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I even tried to say, “May the power of Christ compel you,” but the words could not escape my mouth. I couldn’t think of anything else to do, so I started praying and I raised my hands in the air. All of a sudden, my body started to feel warm and light flew from my raised hands. The light scared off the spirits and then I woke up in the chair beside my father’s bed, covered in sweat. I immediately looked at my father to see if he was ok. He was sound asleep and breathing normally. I couldn’t shake the dream from my thoughts.
As some of my good friends know, I sometimes dream of events that come true. I guess you could say that I sometimes have precognitive dreams. I really can’t really begin to imagine what that dream meant. All I know is that I’m terrified of it.
It reminded me of late yesterday night when my mother and aunt came to visit my father. My mother, my aunt, and I were talking about me moving back here for a while and all of a sudden I remember that I had a dream about this a few months ago. Talk about major déjà vu. Maybe I’m just going crazy and need to see a shrink. All I could do is laugh at myself right now.
I finally got broadband internet service at my parent’s house so I can finally get started on blogging again. That is all for now.

Sick dad...heading to Guam...being selfish

It's been over 6 years since I've been back home to Guam. I left on May 2000, because I was in the Navy and got transferred to Bremerton, Washington. I haven't been back ever since. I'm excited to be going back, but sad at the same time. The reason why I'm heading back is because my father is really ill. A few days ago, he got major surgery to his intestines, because he had a major blockage. For 3 days he awaited to see a cardiologist before he could get surgery due to his heart condition. After 3 days of waiting and no cardiologist, the doctors had to no choice but to go on with the surgery, because he would have died of bodily waste poisioning. His surgery had some major risk, there was a chance of him getting a heart attack or stroke while he was under the knife. His doctors thought it was worth they risk, because either way they had to do something to save his life.

My father survived the surgery and is currently in recovery. My sister says that he's looking a little better, but his health is not back to normal. The doctors are still worried that his intestines may not work properly and he is still in risk of getting a heart attack, staff infection, or getting pneumonia.

Even with all this happening, I still have my selfish thoughts. I'm glad to be going home, but I'm sad that the reason why is that my father is sick. Another part of me is sort of mad, because I have to put school on hold while I'm in Guam. I have one more quarter left before I graduate and there might be a chance that I will not return back in time for school. I've waited so long to go back to school and finish my degree, but yet again I have to put it on hold. I feel really bad for feeling this way especially because I really love my father and I know he needs me.

It always seems like when I'm close to finishing something another dilemma presents itself which causes me to put a hold on finishing it. Call it bad luck or bad karma. I have no clue. I don't know what to think anymore. I know I feel ashame for thinking this. What can I do now?
I guess I do what I always do and see what opportunities come my way. I'll have to go with the flow. I hope the fates shine down on me and I hope my father gets better soon.