Turning 30 and single...well that's not all though.

Been alive for almost 30 years now and I've learned that life doesn't always turn out the way it's suppose to. I've always been a person that likes to map out my life and I've been doing it since I was 10 years old. If my life went according to how I planned things out, I would probably be a nurse practitioner or physician assistant by now, partnered, and owning a townhouse or condo. Well, I don't have any of that. Instead, I'm still single and working as a Web Content Administrator. I don't even own a condo or townhouse. I do own a home, but it's in Guam and I'm not ready to move back there just yet.

It doesn't bother me that I'm turning 30 and that I'm single at all. What does bother me is that my life turned in a direction that's nothing close to what I had planned. I know life isn't perfect, but come on universe work with me a little. I would be lying if I said I don't have any regrets, because I've made so many mistakes in the past. Heck, I'm still making them. I have learned from them and it's help me to grow to the person I am now.

If I had the chance to change the past, I probably wouldn't do it though. Only because the path that I took has lead me to some very great friends and it showed my how much my family does love me. I don't want to believe that my fate is predestined, but sometimes it's hard not to believe that some things happen for a reason. That sometimes people meet for a reason. Many of us wouldn't be who we are today if not for the people we've met in our lives. Some stay close friends and some have disappeared, but we've all learned something from those people we meet. We all learn from what we experience. Although, it may take a few repeats before we eventually figure it out.

All I know is that I'm so ready to leave my 20s. I know those years are suppose to be about exploration and I've done that, but I don't think exploration is ever over. I'll be 30 in 2 days and I still don't know what I want to be. I just hope my 30s will be even better than my 20s. In fact, I need it to be better. I really not prone to depression, but the last few days reality has been hitting me and it scares me a little. I guess I'm just hitting another revelation in my life. Geez, I've gone through so many of those.

The good thing that came out of this slight depression is that I've been able to reflect on my happier days and think about all my friends and family. I don't think I would have been able to go through life without them. I say come on 30s, give me your best shot. I made it through another decade and for the most part, I'm happy.

I'm turning 30 and I've been single for almost 5 years, but I'm okay with it. I fell in love once before and I'm sure I will again in this lifetime. I'm sure I'll probably go through at least one more career change and I'll probably go back to school again. I think I'll end up going back to school before I change careers or fall in love again though.

I'm going to be 30 and I'm happy.

Always the Good/Best Friend, Never the Boyfriend

Many people, mostly my friends, have told me that I’d make a good boyfriend, because I’m a caring, passionate guy with a little wild streak. As much as I’d like to think of myself the way they think of me, it makes it difficult to do so when I’ve been single for the past 4 and half years. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone out on dates and dated some guys short term, but never really got back into a relationship since the end of 2004.

Lately, I’ve realized that it was due to the fact that I never was completely over my EX. That may be true in part, but honestly I don’t think I would make a good boyfriend. Many of the guys that I end up actually having a crush on have become good friends of mine, but we’ve never dated. I’m nurturing toward all my friends and sometimes I think they end up thinking of me as a brother or father figure and...a BFF (Best Friend Forever) and not BF (Boyfriend) material for them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret becoming their friend at all. My 20/20 hindsight as made me realize that it was a great thing we didn’t go passed friendship. Some of my close friends, whom I’ve had crushes on in the past, are guys that I’d probably throw off a bridge if I was in a relationship with them. It’s probably vice versa with them as well, because I know I can be a really B***h.

Although I hate to admit it, I’m still the hopeless romantic I was in the past. It’s just who I am and as much as I try to change it, it won’t ever go away. Some of my friend’s say that I need to be patient and then the right guy will come along. I’ve been patient for over 4 years already and he still hasn’t come. For the most part, I did fall in love once before and it was real. Not many people get a 2nd chance when it comes to love, but I hope that’s not true. I’m really lucky to have fallen in love once already, because not many people know what it’s like to have that.

In recent developments, I’ve currently met someone that I’m really attracted to. He’s really nice, but I don’t know what he really wants from me. Is it friendship or relationship? I don’t know. I guess what really intrigues me the most about him is that he’s unpredictable and I can’t read him. I’m really good at reading people and a lot of times I can read them down to detail. I’ve always been gifted with the understanding of human nature and people. Some of my friends think it’s cool, some are annoyed by it. I can’t read this guy at all. He’s a mystery to me, so it’s exciting yet irritating. It’s like his body language and emotions are at a constant change that I just can’t pick up on anything. My friend Dom says that I’m like Suki in True Blood and he’s like my Bill. How funny is that?! My life is being referenced to a vampire series on HBO, which I love by the way. Basically, he blinds me of my intuition (don’t like saying sixth sense, because it probably isn’t that). Now that could be a good thing, but can also be a bad thing. First things first, I guess I have to find out if he’s even attracted to me. Heck, I don’t even know if the both times we’ve hung out are actually dates or not. He does mention that he has a great time hanging out with me, but that just means I’m a fun person and not boy friend material. Also, I really hate the term, “There’s more fish in the sea,” so please don’t say that to me. The other on is “You can do better!” Really?! If that’s true then how come better hasn’t come along yet. Ha!

I’m not bitter at all. I’m just venting. I know love is out there somewhere for me and it happens differently for others. Besides, our relationships don’t usually turn out the way we intended. Some couples I know went from monogamous relationships to an open one and vice versa. People can’t really predict how their relationship will turn out. Some break up never to be friends again and others end their romantic relationship to become best friends. Some become best friends and partners. Ideally, many people would like to become best friends with their partners. I know I would.

With that said, I’m not giving up on love. I don’t think I can truly do that. It’s not in my nature, but I do love to vent about it.